


you don't even know what you're asking me to confess

by pensiveVisionary (hamburr)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, Trans Aaron Burr, Trans Character, nothing very explicit tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 05:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7672234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamburr/pseuds/pensiveVisionary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I dare you to kiss Alexander!" John crows, leaning against your shoulder.<br/>"I chose truth," you point out.<br/>"You... must truthfully kiss Alexander!"</p><p>Or, truth or dare with your fake husband's drunk friends is exactly as bad of an idea as it sounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you don't even know what you're asking me to confess

"John wants us to come to his place tonight. It's his and Herc's and Laf's anniversary, they want us to come. It'll just be the five of us, so it won't be too wild."

"Just us? They don't even like me."

"They think you're okay, they just don't really know what to make of you since you don't, like, say anything when we all hang out."

"Not my fault."

"You could try to be more friendly, we've got to keep this up for like three years, the least you could do is pretend to like my friends. It might make it a little more convincing. You don't act like any sort of husband, you're so uncomfortable all the time."

You sigh. He's right, of course. It would be easier if you hadn't managed to catch some sort of plague of genuine affection and attraction towards Alexander, but as he shows no sign of genuinely reciprocating, you might as well suck it up and play the role you're supposed to be. "Okay. I'll come. No funny business, though, all right?"

"I make no promises," Alexander says, and grins at you. You sigh, roll your eyes, and go to the bedroom to find something to wear.

****

"You know, for as long as you've been married, I've never actually seen y'all kiss. Never before, either, come to think of it. Barely even seen you hold hands, honestly," says a very drunk John Laurens. You are all sitting on the floor of the apartment he shares with Hercules and Lafayette. The three of them have been drinking, and so has Alexander, at least a little. You have abstained-- you are not interested in inadvertently spilling your emotions for the four of them to see.

"Weird," you say.

"Maybe we're just private people," says Alexander, and you groan inwardly. Yeah. Alexander. A private person. The least believable thing he could have possibly said. John cracks up laughing at that, underlining just how ridiculous of a statement that was.

"I have a spectacular idea," says John, throwing an arm around your shoulders. You delicately remove his arm; he hardly seems to notice. "We..." He pauses for dramatic effect. It fails to be dramatic. "...Should play truth or dare!"

"No," says Alexander.

"Fuck no," you agree.

"Fuck yes," Lafayette puts in. Alexander glares at Lafayette, who remains oblivious and returns to kissing Hercules.

"So it's settled!"

"It is not fucking settled!" says Alexander.

"You get to start, Alex! Truth or dare?"

"No fucking way am I starting."

"Okay, Aaron, then! Truth or dare?"

"Nope. What is this, high school?"

"No, Alex passed, which means you can't pass."

"What kind of bullshit rule is that?"

"House rules!" he says cheerfully.

"Fuck you!" you say back, imitating his tone.

"Truth or dare?"

"Fuck you. Truth."

"I dare you to kiss Alexander!" John crows, leaning against your shoulder.

"I chose truth," you point out.

"You... must truthfully kiss Alexander!" John says, refusing to be dissuaded. You groan, and glance at Alexander. He shrugs, looks slightly apologetic, and leans in and kisses you. You're expecting a gentle little peck, since you have not, in point of fact, ever kissed him, but he cups your face in his hands and kisses you slow, lips parted. You try not to tense, since John is wolf-whistling at you, and you do the only thing you can think to do: kiss him back.

Alexander makes a pleased little hum against your lips, which is nicer than you would probably like to admit. He runs his hands slowly to the small of your back, taking his time to run his hands over your chest, your sides, before he lets them rest low on the small of your back. You push your hands into his hair, feel him sigh, tug you a little closer. Intrigued, you tug lightly at his hair, and the small, choked gasp you get in response is a reward in and of itself. You do it again; he gasps again, then casually lets one of his hands slip a little lower, to where your shirt has slipped up a few inches as you lean forward and kiss him. He trails his fingertips along the exposed skin there, and you quite nearly shiver, though it's not cold in the room.

"Yo, are y'all ever gonna resurface?" you hear John say, eventually. Alexander pulls back a little, casually grabs your ass, then sits back, smug, leaving you uncomfortably turned on.

"You're the one who wanted us to kiss," Alexander points out, and he and John start squabbling. You're too flustered to pay much attention.

You take your leave as soon as possible after that, fake a phone call and say you have to go. John, Lafayette, and Hercules are all too drunk to question you, but Alexander looks at you with piercing eyes. You turn away from him and exit quickly.

You're halfway between their apartment complex and yours when you hear Alexander shouting, "Aaron! Wait up!"

You pretend not to hear him, shove your hands in your pockets and walk faster. You make it inside first, slip inside the elevator; the doors are closing as you see him walk inside the building. You let it close.

He comes inside your apartment as you are closing the door to the bathroom.

"Aaron, come on, I'm sorry, it wasn't a big deal--"

"I'm going to take a shower," you say tightly. Of course. Of _course_ it wasn't a big deal to him. "Go to sleep."

He looks like he's going to argue, but then seems to see something in your face and steps back, away from the door.

You close the door and take a deep breath, exhale slowly. You peel off your clothes, avoid looking at yourself in the mirror, shameful and embarrassed of what you've done, of what you're about to do, what you haven't even tried to talk yourself out of. You turn on the shower, hot, step under the water as soon as it warms up. You close your eyes, slip your hand between your legs.

You shouldn't. You shouldn't get off to this, to Alexander, your husband-but-not-really, not to the way his lips felt, hot and sweet on yours, the soft little sounds he made when you kissed him, the way he reacted when you tugged on his hair, oh, what would it be like if you did that when you were alone? His hands, god, the way his hands felt when he held you, his hands on the skin of your back, fuck, god, this is so embarrassing, why are you doing this, if he _finds out, fuck_ \--

You stay in the shower until the water starts to get cold, praying that Alexander will actually be asleep when you get in bed. You brush your teeth, slip into the bedroom to get your pajamas and come back quickly to change. When you come back, Alexander half-sits.

"You didn't let me brush my teeth first," he says.

You go "hmph" in response and get in bed, curl up facing the wall.

"What were you in the shower for so long for? You don't have any hair to wash."

"Fuck off, go brush your teeth."

Alexander snickers, but he gets up and exits the room. You try to fall asleep, but your heart is pounding and you still can't get him out of your head. God. What a terrible idea it was that you had, worse still that you let yourself follow through with it.

You pretend you're asleep when he gets in bed, but you're wide awake, aware of precisely how close he is to you. You squeeze your eyes shut, try to even your breathing. Alexander keeps tossing and turning, rolling over every couple minutes, kicking the blankets around.

"Can you stop that?" you finally hiss at him.

"Hah! I knew you weren't asleep!"

"How could anyone sleep with you fuckin'-- dancing around or whatever you're doing?"

"We need to talk," says Alexander, and you sigh and run your hand over your face.

"So talk."

"We kissed."

"Wow, good job! Amazing! So astute! Would you like a round of applause? A cookie?"

"You made a hasty exit and then were in the shower for forty minutes."

"I was hoping you'd be asleep by the time I got out." Not completely an untruth. Definitely not the whole truth. "You stuck your hand up my shirt and felt up my chest and grabbed my ass. You could have left it at one little kiss, Alexander."

"You liked it."

"Don't tell me what I liked or didn't like."

"You got off in the shower."

You stutter instead of answering. This is answer enough; you both know it.

"Why?" he asks.

Fuck. Well. You're cornered now. You cover your eyes with your hand, unable to stand the way he is looking at you.

"You're beautiful and hot and a wonderful kisser and I am painfully attracted to you."

"Is that all? Just attraction?"

"You said it doesn't matter. So let's leave it. It. Doesn't. Matter."

"I didn't mean it, I was just-- talking, saying words, I didn't-- Aaron, it matters so much to me, can't you see?" You peek at him through your fingers. He is sitting up, looking at you with an almost pained expression. "Aaron, I'm in love with you."

"Fuck," you say. Fuck. You really had miscalculated. His face falls. "No-- Alexander-- I was just-- surprised, I-- I'm in love with you, or at least falling in love, I don't know, this is terrifying, I've never-- I--" You stop, take a deep breath. "I've never cared about someone the way I care about you. Never felt any of this before, not really."

"First time for everything," Alexander says. "May I kiss you?"

You pull him down on top of you by the collar of his shirt.

You get very little sleep that night.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sure there's like a zillion better-developed fake marriage aus out there buT i don't care this was self-indulgent lol
> 
> i'm on tumblr too! waitforit--waitforit.tumblr.com


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